


Finding your Reasons

by LadyWinchester42



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, NO HAMMERS, both are fucked up, can there be happy endings in the apocalypse?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-18 23:48:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12398748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyWinchester42/pseuds/LadyWinchester42
Summary: When Kelly is about to give up on life, she has a chance encounter with Troy Otto that shows them both that there is more to offer than just surviving in the apocalypse.





	1. Chance Encounter

He’s the one that found me. I don’t want to say that he saved me, even though he did. I’ve had to survive so long on my own, I don’t like to give anyone else credit for that. But I don’t know how I would have survived if he hadn’t found me and brought me back from that ledge.

It had only been a day since I'd had water last, but I couldn’t remember the last time I had food. I kept telling myself that it was fine, I knew I had to pass a town or city soon.

But I didn’t, it was just more and more desert, it never ended. Eventually a larger than average cactus came into view, so I sat with as much of my body in the shade as I could. It felt great to sit down and have my head out of the sun. My dirt crusted jeans and jacket protected my skin from the sun, but the heat was still overwhelming, and I just wanted to peel everything off. I felt like I was drowning in the heat. I pulled my knees closer to my chest and rested my ragged machete on my knees and closed my eyes. I opened my eyes to the sound of scuffling and realized that the sun had begun to set.

_S_ _hit, how long was I out?_

I grabbed my machete, a looked around. A bitter had gotten stuck in a cactus a couple yards away.

 _Idiot._ I thought, half about the walker, half about me. 

Slowly, one hand on the wound on my stomach, the other holding the machete, I stood up and started making my way to the bitter. She was pretty decayed, but I don’t know if that was because she’d been dead for so long or if it’s the sun. I stopped a few feet from her and stared at her clawing hand. _One day that’s going to be me._ I took a step closer. _Maybe that day could be today. Hopefully there’s someone around here who can put me out of my misery before I kill too many people._ I took another step closer, her hand inches away from my face. If the cactus broke, she would have me. _One quick snap and it could be over. I could just let her bite me, then let the fever take over. Maybe tie myself up so I can’t hurt anyone._ I swung my machete once, twice on her outstretched arm and it dropped in the dirt. I looked back at her face. _Where should I have her bite? My stomach or neck would kill me fastest, but that is logistically difficult, with her being stuck in a cactus and all. I guess I could just give her my hand or arm, it would take longer, but it’s easier to retract._  I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. God, _I wish I had some whisky._

“Stop being a fucking coward and just do it, Kelly. One quick bite.” I told myself.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. _Okay._ _Let’s get this over with._ I opened my eyes. Holding my machete in my right and dominant hand, ready to take her out after she’s done her part, I outstretched my left arm. _Deep breaths, deep breaths._

“Are you gonna just let that thing bite you?” A voice said behind me.

I spun around to see a man, well boy, well young man. I stared at him, not responding.

“Were you gonna let it bite your arm?” He repeated.

“Who are you?” I asked, bringing my machete in front of me and taking a step away from the bitter and towards him.

“Troy, you?” He said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Kelly.”

“Nice to meet you Kelly. You’re pretty cute to let yourself get bit by a geek.” _Ugh. So, he’s pervert. I thought I could at least die before dealing with one of these again._

“I may be cute, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t slit your throat in a second.”

He laughed. “And funny, too.” He reached and pulled his gun out of its holster, pointing at me. _I brought a fucking machete to a gun fight._

“I _am_ sorry,” he half smiled, almost in pity, and pulled the trigger.

A shot rang out, and I expected to feel it or to at least not exist anymore, but I felt nothing. I heard the bitter behind me slump and its groaning stopped. I turned my head and looked at it, one clean shot through the head.

I turned back to this Troy,

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I almost yelled, “You have no idea what you just took from me. Why didn’t you just shoot me?” I heard my voice crack.

He almost grimaced, but covered it up with a well-practiced smile that I knew too well.

“We have a ranch, not too far from here. It’s pretty safe and we’ve got water and food. Come back with me and see, and if you still want to…” He paused, “leave, then you can.”

I shook my head, wiping at my eyes.

“And if I say no?”

He looked at me inquisitively.

“Then I’ll knock you out and bring you back myself and tell everyone that I saved you from a horde.”

I scoffed, crossing my arms and looking at him for a few moments.

“If you try anything fishy, I’ll gut you and wait, then use you to turn me as well. Got it?”

“As long as you time it, sweetheart.”

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” He replied, turning to walk, “It would probably just scare you off even more.”

I rolled my eyes, “You’d think, nothing scares me off nowadays.” I started following him.

“We’re not a group of creeps or anything, just a ranch full of random survivors, some families. We’re in a skirmish with some people who want our land, but nothing we can’t handle.”

            “What are you doing out here? Are you scouting for new people or supplies?” I changed the topic, I didn’t give two shits about his people. I would go and see it, then leave.

            “I’m just on my own adventure, wanted to get out of base camp for a while.”

            “I gotta say, you’re not really selling this ‘ranch’.” I looked at the distance, trying to tell if I could see it in the distance or it was just hopeful thinking. _I could die with a full stomach and not be dying of thirst. That would be nice._ He looked over at me, not saying anything is response. We were in silence for almost and hour, until I could definitely make out something along the horizon.

            “That’s it right there. We’ve still got probably twenty minutes left.” He pointed.

            “Okay.” My wound in my stomach was really starting to hurt. _Maybe they have a doctor to look at it. Wait. There’s no point._

            Troy stopped walking and sighed.

            “You know what, no.” he turned and faced me.

            “Look,” he paused, trying to figure out how to say his point. “You don’t need to come to the ranch. I thought I was going to be helping you by forcing you to come back, because that’s what people did to me when I did what you just tried to do. I know how it feels to just want to lie down and give in, and now-a-days there’s not much to live for. Trust me, I know. I’m the fucking village outcast back there, I just wanted someone to be there who was as fucked up as me.”

            I stared at him, unsure of what to say. But then,

“How do you know that I'm as fucked up as you are?" I asked, but before he could answer, I added,

"Knowing what you know now, would you have rather ended your life then, or experienced what you have since then.” 

            He took a moment to think, “I have held a gun to my own head more times than I can count, just looking for that one _thing_ to get me to pull the trigger. But each time, I just end up laughing at my situation. I have killed so many people, not biters, actual people, in order to survive, and honestly, sometimes just for kicks.” He paused, seeing if I would react. When I didn’t, he added, “Why would I end it when there is so much more fun to be had?”

            It was honest, but I didn’t know if it had changed my mind. I had killed people, a lot of people, more than I can count. But it was all “in case of emergency” situations. At least that's what I told myself. My thoughts were racing, but all of the sudden my surroundings started to get fuzzy. My stomach felt warm and I brought my hand up to my wound. I must have torn my stitches because there was blood staining the front of my shirt. I pulled my hand away and it was covered in blood. I just stared at it, transfixed.

            “Kelly.” Troy was trying to get my attention, so I looked up at him, as he looked down and saw my blood-soaked jacket. His eyes went wide. “What happened?”

            “People tried to steal from me, I killed them,” I tried breathing but the pain was excruciating. “One of them got me before I got them. Shit, fuck this hurts.” Losing my balance, I fell to one knee. 

            He rushed to my side, wrapping an arm around me to lift be back up.

            “Okay, why don’t we just get you back…”

            I didn’t hear the rest of what he said as everything began to fade to black. _This isn’t so bad,_ I thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I disappeared for a hella long time. I've written a lot more of the story, I just haven't posted it yet. I'm slowly editing some of the stuff, but I'm using the new FTWD season as motivation, even though our boy Troy isn't around anymore:( Anyways, please enjoy! Any comments would be amazing! Likes, dislikes, recommendations, anything:)  
> Remember to sleep my lovelies<3


	2. Waking up

I woke with a start, my hand immediately reaching for my machete on my hip. It wasn’t there.

            “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” A woman sat in a chair near the end of the bed I was in. “It’s okay, you have a pretty bad wound there, we stitched you up, but you need to take it easy.”

            “Where am I and who are you?” I demanded, “And where is my machete?”

            “My name is Madison, you’re at a ranch, a small community of people trying to survive together. Your machete is in the other room. Once you’re feeling better and we know we can trust you, we can give it back.” She smiled at me and glanced at the door. “I know you’re probably really confused, but do you remember what happened before you passed out?”

            I thought for a second, trying to remember everything that happened. _Troy. He shot the biter before I could end it. But, he knew. He knew how I felt._

            Madison continued, “Troy is the one who found you, but I need to know.” She scooted the chair closer, and asked in a quieter voice, “Is Troy the one who did this to you? Did he stab you?”

            “What? No…” I started.

            “He told us that he found you fighting off a horde of walkers and he grabbed you and you two ran, until you passed out.”

            I chuckled. _Of course he did._

            “Yeah. Yeah, that’s what happened. I didn’t realize how many there were till it was too late. I would’ve been dead right now if it weren’t for Troy.” _Well at least I told one truth._

            Madison straightened up and smiled again. Why did she smile so much? It wasn’t like how Troy smiled. He smiled to cover pain, she smiled to cover her thoughts about a situation, which made her dangerous.

            “Is Troy here?” I asked, wanting to talk to the only person you had met before.

            She looked at me for a moment, trying to read me, before saying, “Yeah sure, let me go grab him for you.”

            She stood up and started towards the door, stopping before leaving.

            “Let someone know if you need anything.”

I smiled in return,

            “Thanks, Madison.” She turned and shut the door behind her.

            I looked over at the side table and saw a small plate of food and water. _Oh, fuck yes._ My stomach was growling. I tried to use my arms to help myself sit up, but I was too weak. I took a deep breath. _Get your shit together, Kelly._ Just as I was starting to try again, the door opened. I looked over and saw Troy standing there with a smirk on his face.

            “You dick.” I chuckled, “You still told them that bullshit story about a horde?”

            He laughed and walked over to the chair where Madison had been sitting and pulled it up so that it was closer to my head and the food.

            “Yeah thanks for lying for me. It got a bunch of brownie points with everyone here, now everyone is looking at me as a hero for saving a helpless, wounded girl.”

            I laughed, which did not feel great on my stitches.

            “Right. Well, I’m so glad that I could have been of assistance. But this “helpless” girl needs help sitting up,” I said using my fingers as air quotes, “and from my point of view, you owe me.”

            “I owe you?” He asked incredulously as he leaned forward to help pull me so that I could sit up. “I saved your ass twice.” He took the food and placed it on my lap and handed me the small glass of water telling me to drink it slowly.

            “Psh, you know I wanted to be left out there. So that’s twice you went against my will and then you owe me one more for me getting you all those brownie points. That’s three things you owe me.” I said after taking a swig of water.

            “Well you’ll just have to think of things that I can do for you then. Or you could keep me in your debt forever, you know, for some fun.” He said jokingly, but I caught on to the seriousness of the second suggestion.

I smiled at him for a moment, unable to keep my thought off of what Madison said.

            “You’re really fucked up, aren’t you?”

            His faced dropped,

            “Why would you say that?” He looked almost upset, so I responded,

            “Takes one to know one, I guess.” I took another swig of water before picking up a spoon to start eating whatever the mush was on the plate. I ate in silence for a few moments before I continued,

            “That woman, Madison, asked me if you were the one who had stabbed me. Why would she think that?”

            Troy’s face set and I could see his anger setting in.

            “She shouldn’t have asked you that. She has her problems with me, but she shouldn’t take that out on you.”

            “What did you do?” I pushed, “What did you do that would make her think that you would stab someone then bring them back to your home base? That doesn’t sound very logical to me.”

            “Yeah well I haven’t always used sound logic in the past.”

            “Well yeah, it’s the apocalypse, who uses sound logic all the time?”

            “Fair. But I…” He paused, “I did some bad stuff. I almost killed her and her family, if my brother hadn’t shown up, they all would’ve been dead.”

            “Why did you try to kill them?” I asked, still eating.

            “I was curious.”

            “About what?”

            “About how long it takes for someone to turn. I wanted to find a correlation between age, sex, weight, anything, to how fast someone turns after death.”

            It clicked, “So that’s why you told me to time it, on our way here.”

            He smiled slightly, “Yeah, if it contributes to what we were testing, then at least I would have died for something.”

            “What would you do to them?”

            “Why are you asking me so many questions?”

            “Curiosity. Except when I’m curious, I just ask someone a question. I don’t try and kill them.” I laughed, which immediately caused a flare of pain in my side. I took a breath and then continued eating. It made Troy look at me with an unreadable expression.

            “Why are you laughing? I murdered dozens of innocent people in an unsanctioned science project. The fuck is wrong with you?”

            “I told you, takes one to know one.” We sat in silence a few moments and I debated just telling him the truth. I pointed at my stomach with my spoon, “People weren’t stealing from me, I was stealing from other people. It’s easier to kill them all then try to sneak around and risk them waking up and fighting back, so I just wipe out small groups and take what I need. Some of those people may have even given me some of their supplies, but I’ve lost everyone I knew in the attempt to be nice, so…” I stopped myself. It was getting a little too personal for me. I took a deep breath,

“Asking just makes it too messy. Well, at least I thought. Someone in the last camp woke up and we fought, he stabbed me with a dull butter knife. It did not feel great.” He leaned away from me and stared at me while I ate before asking,

“Why did you try to kill yourself?”

I looked at him a moment before sighing.

            “I was tired. And in the middle of a desert. If I had actually been caught in a horde, I would’ve been done for.”

I finished the last little bit of food and tried to lean and set it on the little table but a shock of pain stemmed from my stomach causing me to nearly drop the plate. Luckily Troy grabbed it and set it down before helping me lean back against the bed board. I exhaled between gritted teeth.

            “Thanks.” I closed my eyes for a moment and we sat in silence.

            “I’ll let you get some more sleep, we can talk a little more later.” He said and stood up from the chair, taking my plate and cup, “I’ll grab you some more water.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Consider it one of the things I owe you.”

            I chuckled, “Yeah like that is even close to counting as one of your IOU’s.” I opened my eyes and looked at him. “I’m milking these for all they are worth.”

            He smiled at me before turning towards the door.

            “Troy.”

            “Yeah?” He stopped and turned around.

            “I don’t trust Madison.”

            “Good.” He left and closed the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late addition! School is crazy. I should be posting the next chapter really soon! Hope you guys enjoyed<3


	3. An invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kel gets a visit from Jeremiah

A couple hours later, a man named Jeremiah came into my room asking if I was well enough to talk with him.

“Anything for someone who used their own resources for a stranger.” I smiled at him, and he took a seat.

“Of course, we try to help when we can. We always welcome new additions to our group. We just need to make sure that you…” He paused as if he was thinking about what to say next, “are the right fit, for our people.”

I’m sure he had his speech down perfectly, only pausing for dramatic affect. But I could play along,

“Of course, I completely understand. Please, ask anything you like.”

“Fantastic. My son, Troy, has already vouched for you, so you have a good start.”

_His son?_

“But, I just have a few questions. Do you have a group somewhere?”

“I used to, but…” I paused, looking at the end of the bed, _if he can be dramatic, so can I._ “You know, what happens to everyone in the end. I’ve been alone for a while, it’s probably only been a few weeks, but it seems like months.” _That part is true._

He nodded, “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” I smiled slightly.

“How did you get stabbed?” S _hit, I didn’t even come up with anything. Fucking idiot._

“I…” I looked down at the floor, bringing my hand up to my stomach, applying some pressure to make my eyes water. _Act traumatized._  “I found this group, a couple days before Troy found me. I was desperate, and they offered me food and water, and I was stupid enough to trust them. That night when I was sleeping, I woke up to one of them trying to…” _Yes perfect, play victim, he won’t question it._

“I fought him off and tried running away when the other tried to grab me.” I looked Jeramiah in the eye and finished, “I defended myself, and one of them stabbed me, before I could…”

“It’s alright.” He cut in, “I understand, I’m just glad you got out of there alright. This world we live in now… people just have no human decency anymore.”

I nodded. _He believes me._

            “Did you run into any more groups after that?”

            “No, sir. I was out of water and food when your son found me. Luckily, I had a needle and string, I tried to stich myself up as best I could after this happened, but you know how that worked out.”

            He nodded, “Well, I am sure happy that Troy stumbled upon you when he did. He said the horde was pretty big, how many do you think were there?”

            _Double checking stories now? How many would Troy say? He would grossly overcount to make himself seem cooler._

            “I’m not entirely sure. I remember I had accidentally fallen asleep after sitting down. When I woke up I saw a bunch of them coming. From where I was I counted twenty, but I knew there were more behind them and I was too panicked to stay there counting. Before I knew it, Troy was there, and we ran. Until I passed out.”

            Jeremiah just looked at me with a blank esxpression.

            “Well it is just lucky that Troy went on one of his adventures that day, isn’t it?”

“Yes, sir. It is.”

He smiled, before standing up and reaching is hand out towards me.

            “You are more than welcome to stay here as long as you like, and you are of course able to leave whenever you like as well. No strings with the resources we used, so don’t worry about that.”

            I took his hand, “Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I think I’ll stay for a while. I’ve missed being in a group. Once I’m able to move a bit more, I’ll be more than happy to help contribute back to the group as best I can.”

            “Oh, that’s wonderful. But please, take your time and heal. We don’t want your stiches tearing again.” He chuckled before heading towards the door,

            “It was very nice meeting you, Kelly.”

            “You too, Jeremiah.”

            He turned and left the room. As soon as I heard the front door close, let out a huge breath. _Holy shit, that was close._ I brought a hand to my face and rubbed my temples. _Do I really want to stay here?_ _Everyone I’ve met is sketchy as hell, but at least I know they’re sketchy._ The front door opened again, and my eyes shot up.

            Troy appeared in the doorway with an arrogant smirk plastered on his face.

            “Twenty? Twenty? Shit, I wish I had the confidence in me that you do to take on twenty geeks.”

            I snorted, “Well, I’m so sorry that I overestimated your abilities. How many did you say?”

            “Ha, ten of ‘em.” He pushed himself off the door frame and flopped himself in the chair.

            “That’s a weak ass horde, Troy.” I rebutted. He brought up his feet to rest on the bed next to mine.

            “Yeah well, the only thing that matters is that my dad believed you. He just thinks I need to get better at counting in stressful situations.” I chuckled, and we were silent for a few moments.

            “Thanks for giving him your approval of me, I have a feeling that there are usually a lot more questions that newbies are asked before they’re offered a place here, and I wasn’t sure if I could be that creative about my past for too much longer.”

            “Don’t mention it,” He reached over and picked up an apple that was on the side table. He took out a knife and started cutting pieces, tossing one to me to eat.

            “Thanks,” I had missed apples, and this one was green, my favorite. “You know, you talking to your dad was a big deal, that can count as one of your IOU’s.”

            “No.” He responded, meeting my eyes quickly before focusing back on the apple, tossing me another piece. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal.”

            I paused for a moment before adding, “Okay, well let me know when you do something that you think merits you an IOU check off.”

            He chuckled, but it was hollow, like he didn’t think it was funny. “Sure.”

            “Oh, don’t do that.” I sneered. “Don’t use that fake shit on me. If you’re going to act the same way around me as you do everyone else, then there’s really no point in me being here, is there?”

            He glared at me, angry, but obviously taken aback by me calling out his empty gesture.

            “What?” I prodded, trying to get him to say something. “You want me to leave?”

            I put the piece of apple in my mouth that he had tossed me and started chewing, wanting to cross my arms out of frustration, but I knew it would hurt my stiches too much.

            “No, sorry.” He said, almost too low to be heard. “You can’t be fake with me either, I know you’re fucked up too.” His tone turning accusatory as he tossed me another piece of apple, a piece offering of sorts.

            “Deal.” I ate the piece that he gave me. “So, tell me more about that little science pet project of yours. Did you actually get anything useful from killing the innocent?” A smirk played on my lips, then on his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick chapter here guys! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks guys:) I'll be updating as soon as I can and figuring out a stable-ish publish routine. Constructive criticism is always welcome!  
> Love<3


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